i still haven't forgiven the man who stole my wife
dealing with my 5-year-old nemesis
The first enemy I ever made was on one faithful day in Reception. Our teacher, let’s call her Miss Bridges, had a daughter who was getting married, and for no other apparent reason, other than to solicit gifts from our parents, she made us hold a mock wedding. And guess who was going to be the groom? Yours truly!
I was due to be betrothed to my reception crush, Alice Kavanagh. The love of my life. The only girl I was willing to share a Ribena with. The one my heart sought after during games of hide and seek. She was everything a 5-year-old boy could have ever dreamed of.
But there was a problem. That problem’s name was Jourdan Snowe. An absolute wet wipe if you ask me. He was the kind of kid who produced waterworks if he ever heard the word no, and this occasion was no exception. He threw a full-on tantrum a week or so before the wedding and our spinless teacher caved. She gave this whiny entitled little brat the role of the groom, and I got demoted to father of the bride.
I was devastated. It almost felt like there was no point in living. Seeing another guy walk down the aisle with the love of your life was a defining moment. A canon event. The start of my villain era.
20 years on and I still haven’t forgotten such an egregious act. I know that if I ever see Jourdan Snowe again, it’s on!*
*I’m legally obliged to say that the stories mentioned here are purely fictional. Any likenesses or similarities to real-life people or events are purely coincidental and more for entertainment purposes only. I’m not in the financial, physical or mental headspace to be dealing with a defamation lawsuit right now.
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I won’t come and lie to you all. There are some people I just want to slap. And I believe they deserve that much.
I’ve had to rewrite this piece on forgiveness a few times. It’s quite a touchy subject. Religion, culture and society all have a place in the never-ending debate on righting wrongs and reconciliation.
There are people who no longer speak to certain individuals due to arguments over bottles of fruit shoot in Nursery or rejected proposals for the Year 8 school dance. But there are more serious instances. Parents, guardians, once intrusted friends. If in love, distance makes the heart grow fonder; in hurt, distance makes the heart grow fainter. Unaddressed grief, pain, and hatred. Sitting at the entrance of your belly ready to spew onto the next person whose actions make you sick to your stomach.
Time doesn’t heal, work does.
I find it hard to forgive and move on. I know we should mentally put aside past woes and intrusions, but I don’t understand why some people get to walk free while we are left to deal with the consequences of their actions.
We are often forced to have collective amnesia towards the accused or the offence in question. “Forgive AND forget," they say. The perpetrators get off free but victims always have to live with the aftermath. That’s not easy to forget. I know if I ever bumped into someone who hurt me and brought it up to them, they would be so confused. Clueless to the history I was unearthing and oblivious to the side of them I was bringing up.
Forgiveness isn't putting your hands up whenever someone attempts to hi-five you, but having the muscle memory to guard your face in case that hand forms into a fist
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Weirdly enough this post wasn’t an invitation to forgiveness. More reflection. Reflection on what forgiveness is doing to you.
Betrayal and harm. These are the monsters that attack us and leave permanent scars. But I refuse to lose sleep in fear that they are still under my bed, ready to strike at any moment.
I never started this blog to be someone to deliver advice or helpful tips or all that rubbish. I just wanted to write and have fun, but this year I’ve come to a point where unforgiveness weighs heavy on my heart. In all honesty, there are some words I still believe about myself from passing comments people have made. Some even years ago.
As I Grow Older, I know that I am going places, but the only place I refuse to be stuck in is the past.
I’ve come to say I forgive all those who have done me wrong (unless you owe me money, then I want that by the end of the week, with interest!)
Anyways, I don’t really do poetry as much but here’s something small on this topic below.
Love, Peace, & Blessings.
Abs
Restoration
I’m here for the honesty!! The reality of forgiveness and what it actually looks like is very complex