i’m begging you, give up on your dreams

how delusion, accountability, and friendship are all intertwined

This is the last post of the year. What a year it’s been for As I Grow Older. I wish I could end 2024 on a bubblier note, but such is life. I am currently ill, so I blame it for the content of this post.

In my first year of university, in a desperate attempt to make friends, I cosied up to a Dutch international student from Bordeaux. Marco (Or Malcolm – I can’t remember, and I didn’t have his number or social media). He gave the scent of old money, trust fund baby, an heir to something of somewhere. And if I’m being honest, in his friendship, I saw financial security. A future spending winters in Aspen and summers in the Hamptons.

Marco/Malcolm played for the university football team, either the third or fourth team (again, my memory is quite foggy on this). After bumping into him in Rootes Grocery Store (my fellow Warwick alums know what I’m talking about), he sent me a cordial invite to watch him play later that day. And you know what they say: “If you want to make it on their dad’s will, you have to pay the bill.”

With friendship in my heart, but money on my mind, I made my way down to Cryfield Pitches at around 3 pm on a Wednesday to watch him play against the University of Leicester. All I can say is; what a waste of time. He started on the bench and played for a grand total of 9 minutes (I timed it). 9 abysmal minutes that is. Despite giving away a pen and missing from 6 yards, he was in high spirits. Too high if you ask me.

“Abaka, I can feel the thrill. What a rush. I think I want to do this for the rest of my life”

I never knew what happened to Marco/Malcolm but I hope that he’s somewhere in France right now ripping it up in Ligue 2. But really and truly that’s never going to happen. Even with Marco’s sentiment after the match, I knew he was never going to make it.

@biglumi_This was the hardest skit too shoot and not laugh Filming #youwillnevermakeit #coaching #football #nlc #adot #@adotcomedian #dinnerman

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Let’s all be honest. There is at least one person you can think of right now who needs to pack it in. Call it a day. Hang up their boots. And if you can’t think of one person then maybe you’re …. You know what, I don’t want to start losing subscribers so let me leave it there.

You’re calling me harsh, but I know there’s a least one name that has crossed your mind. Their music is terrible, but they keep blaming the mixing and mastering. They claim they can still make it to the Prem at 28 with a Sunday League resume. When they send you their photography portfolio, you ask if they intentionally added an effect to the pictures or are all of them bad quality.

No? Just me? You’re all liars.

It’s hard telling friends the truth. It’s hard to receive the truth. If someone was to tell me they hated a blog post I would tell them that they have no idea how long it took to produce one. They would probably reply back “Yeah but it's still bad.”

Many of us need to give up on our dreams.

Damn. I feel like this is contrary to what I said in my last blog and contrary to the whole vibe and ethos of As I Grow Older. But it’s true. Some of us need to be told the truth. Here’s why.

Your friend is a terrible footballer. He spends weekdays in the park getting dirty, catching pneumonia and fighting off stray dog poo to awkwardly dribble around cones and incorrectly complete passing drills. They empty their Monzo accounts to take Ubers to away games to perform terribly and post mediocre highlights on Instagram. Now imagine what they could do with their time if they refocused their energy on other things.

But you haven’t told them. You haven’t told them that they need to improve. You haven’t told them that the Prem isn’t realistic at 33. You haven’t told them that retirement might be the best option. When they release music and everyone is laughing at them, you’re in the group chats laughing at them as well. But in the studio, you’re screaming “nah bro this is hard”.

If you love your friends, you’ll tell them that they’re terrible.

I love some of my friends too much for them to embarrass themselves in front of everyone. I won’t let you put that out without vetting it, checking it, and seeing if it can be achieved. Art is subjective, but some things are objectively bad, and some of you need to be prosecuted for allowing that to happen.

@danielsduniaYou’ve gotta find a way to tell the truth or it can backfire 😂 #fyp #trash #rapper #opinion @Charlie Mase

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Now I know the title is dramatic and it implies that I want everyone to quit, but I don’t. I’m asking for some self and peer reflection. To ask yourself and others, what can we be doing better?

You know your friend’s business receives complaints about every single order or booking. You know she’s one influencer’s rant away from being cancelled on Twitter. Instead of you sitting with her, remodelling her whole business plan and recommending a course on customer service, you’re watching the internet ripping her to shreds. Prevention is better than cure.

As I Grow Older, I’ve realised that I need to be more honest with my friends and with myself.

Let’s have more honest and open conversations in 2025 and be realistic with our friends and family. On a serious note, let’s all start being better friends.

That’s it for AIGO in 2024. I hope I haven’t lost all of you just with this post alone. Please, I was only joking. Thank you so much for rocking with us in 2025 and see you all in the New Year!

Love, Peace & Blessings,

Abs