the impostor is among us
do you really belong in certain spaces?
Recently I’ve not been having the best time at work.
SIDENOTE: If HR see this post, I just want you to know that I’m loving my job and I especially appreciate the luxury of being in employment. Especially in this cost-of-living crisis. But if you do decide to fire me, that Evidence Matrix I’m currently working on might have to go “missing”.
Anyways where was I? Yes, work. I put out this tweet last week:
So many things were happening left, right, and centre that it just didn’t really sit well with me, and my fellow colleagues felt the effects as well. However, I was seeing a pattern. Every time I had a complaint, I was less like to voice it in comparison to my co-workers because I was just “happy to be there”. Plus, I think I’m quite nonchalant with certain things so that contributes to it.
I’ve openly said that I know I’m a diversity hire. There are 6 of us on my scheme. 3 are black, and one is Indian, which literally doubled the ethnic diversity in the company overnight.
When I go into the office, I’m reminded of Simba after he ran away from Pride Rock. I’m in the jungle with Timon and Pumbaa, and I’m not sure how things work here. There’s a different way of life, people talk differently, and respond to situations differently. But if I’m going to be here for a while, I better get used to it.
The feeling of being an outsider even when I’m inside had me thinking a lot about impostor syndrome. And I’m going to make a very controversial statement but you lot have to agree that you won’t hate me afterwards. Okay? Do you promise? Pinky promise? Okay, it’s this:
You. Are. An. Impostor.
SIDENOTE: I just want to point out that not everyone is an imposter, some of you have worked hard to be where you are and deserve it just as much as the next person.
Now hold up. Before you start calling me all names under the sun, let me cook. Let’s be honest, when UK universities were set up by their founders hundreds of years ago, you brother Kwame and you sister Oluwatosin were not their target demographic. The forefathers of Oxford and Cambridge would probably be rolling in their graves if they knew that their institutions had an African-Caribbean Society (ACS), and were admitting students from lower-income households, and under-resourced state schools.
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We thank God for diversity and inclusion, but I hope you get my point. Some systems weren’t made for you. Technically you are an imposter, but that’s okay.
Knowing this you have two responses: either accept you’re an imposter and show why you deserve to be there or understand that you belong and walk in the freedom it grants.
If you accept you’re an imposter, that’s good. Because it means you were able to infiltrate a space that wasn’t designed for you to be there. It means you’re an outsider. An anomaly. And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
To all the imposters, I say: When you know you don’t belong but still are able to exceed, you are superhuman. You stand out and stand out. Never forget that.
To those who think they’re imposters, but truly belong I say: Outwork your self-doubt.
I know this sounds counter-intuitive but stick with me (I know I’ve already given you over 20 reasons to stop reading).
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As the video states, you must build up an evidence log of why you are who you say you are. Positive affirmations without doing the work to back it up is hopeless.
What do both stances look like practically? An imposter who knows they’re an imposter but still has confidence and self-belief goes into the office at 9am. Settles down and opens their laptop. However, when speaking to co-workers, they don’t need to code-switch and laugh at dead jokes in order to seem palatable. They say their favourite music genre is drill when asked and don’t feel the need to stay behind for drinks at the pub. They still excel and their efforts don’t go unnoticed.
A person who believes they’re an imposter, but very much belongs, goes into the office at 9am. Settles down and opens their laptop. They know they don’t need to prove to anyone that they are great at the job but still take on challenging work and difficult tasks to prove to THEMSELVES, that they are worthy of their office chair and company mug. They leave at 5pm because they have healthy work boundaries but might stay for one round at the pub just to delete the idea from their heads that everyone in the office hates them.
At any given point in time, I sway between both persons. Two sides of the same coin. Wherever you are on this spectrum, you belong (even though I spent the past 700 words saying you don’t). You’re exactly where you need to be.
As I Grow Older, I’ve come to realise that there are so many spaces that I don’t belong in. But home is wherever I lay my hat. So even if I don’t “deserve” to be somewhere, I’m going to make myself comfortable and show why I am there in the first place.
Feel like this post didn’t make sense but you lot already know how we do things over here.
Have a great week and I hope January was kind to you all.
Love, Peace, & Blessings,
Abs