in strangers we trust
why your friendship group may not be enough
It’s an unassuming Sunday morning in May, and I’m in the passenger seat of my boy’s car. 9:21 am. We are ever so slightly edging towards lateness, and not for the first time this month.
The weather: manageable. The motorway air escaping into the car from the rolled-down window slaps the sleep out of my eyes. The sounds of Mary Mary and Team Eternity Ghana blasting from the speakers set the tone for the day’s activities. A conversation ensues about politics or football, or something of that nature. Things that won’t matter in a year’s time. The A12 was an unforgiving road. It didn’t care that we were running late. As we sit behind the remnants of an accident up ahead, I come to a stark realisation. As the car jolts forward, I tense up and catch a glimpse to my right. And in that moment, it hits me. Something I’m surprised I never realised before. But how could I miss it? The truth is, the man sitting next to me could very well kill me.
We grew up with the lifelong lesson of “don’t talk to strangers”. From birth, we are scolded with warnings about speaking to people we don’t know and being wary in unfamiliar environments and around unfamiliar faces. We know that “stranger danger” is a real and active concern. We understand that those outside our immediate family or friendship circle may pose an imminent threat to us if interactions with them are not handled with the utmost caution and care. But in the words of Simba, “Danger, I walk on the wild side, I laugh in the face of danger”.
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As adults, we constantly interact with strangers, from colleagues and clients to acquaintances at networking events and gatherings. Strangers form the basis of our social interactions as you firmly plant your feet into your twenties.
As you exit the bubble of university and go back to your hometown/city, some of your friends live hours away, or the ones you’re coming back to have moved on. Community is needed, and you tend to be more open-minded. Suddenly, the person you once ignored and only knew through a friend of your dad’s cousin’s daughter doesn’t seem so bad.
Some of the greatest moments have been with strangers and people I don’t know
Some of my greatest supporters are strangers. Some of my closest friends were once strangers. And I’m not talking about “milika24759” on TikTok that reposts every video. I mean, people have built up genuine relationships, even if it’s only online.
There was this guy I had on Instagram for a couple of years. I couldn’t initially put a finger on when we started knowing each other, but I guess that’s just social media. I told friends that I believe we would hit it off, but I was hesitant. What if it’s awkward? What if we don’t vibe? What if he kidnaps me? All valid questions.
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It took an initial Insta DM to make a formal introduction. Next thing you know, we were having drinks at a hotel lobby in Southwark, yapping at the perils of being a creative and a young black man in this day and age. But fear almost ruined that.
Once you reach my age, I’m not old, you start to form your core group of friends and people. But one thing I believe wholeheartedly is not closing yourself off to the possibility of meeting new people.
Everyone has at least one stranger who could turn into a valuable member of your bridal party.
It might sound like a crazy statement, but you never know where a relationship with a stranger could lead you. If you think about some of the people that surround you now, how many did you know 5 years ago? 10 years ago? 15 years ago? Bar the friends we’ve had since school days, everyone starts as a stranger that you agree to let into your life, like a rescue dog being placed with a new owner and home.
The evolution of strangers to friends needs to be studied. From “what’s their name again?” to head nods as greetings, to bumping into them everywhere, to texts to calls, to doing life together. Whether a stranger only has an impact on you for one night or for the rest of your life, we can’t deny that those once unknown and unnamed really make a difference. Provide a new lease of life. Add a bit of colour.
As I Grow Older, I’ve found value in getting to know more strangers.
I want to preface this by saying that 99% of the time, talking to strangers is a terrible idea, but in the 1%, a genuine connection is built. I’m not saying go and ditch your circle, but I’m saying don’t shy away from saying hi to the person sitting next to you in the coffee shop or interacting with a social media mutual. You never know where it may lead you.
For the strangers who became close friends, we love you all.
Love, Peace & Blessings,
Abs
Absolutely love this! This was such a nostalgic read. I was even cheesing, thinking about how most of my friends have been promoted from strangers to friends, lol.