we used to pray for times like this

an honest life update

This post might not make any sense, I’m just spewing out random thoughts. Can’t always be bothered to formulate this article into a Guardian-level, Pulitzer Prize-worthy piece of writing.

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If there’s one song I hate more than any in this world it's Meek Mill – Dreams and Nightmares. Call me anti-black I don’t care but I can’t stand it.

As soon as I see that iconic photo of Meek counting money on a private jet on someone’s Instagram story, it takes everything inside of me not to block them.

This isn’t even part of today’s topic but I just wanted to get that off my chest. Petty? Yes! Practical? Absolutely.

But I get it. There’s something about that song. It’s provocative. Because we really used to pray for times like this. Like seriously, prayer and fasting. You lot don’t know about roboskeske prayers, shandoooooooo, malika thoza kind of prayers. Covering your ear with your hand and pacing back and forth with sweat protruding from your forehead. You guys don’t know anything.

I say this because I recently received a lot of the things I used to pray for. I used to be scared to share achievements but now I don’t think twice about it. Thought people would feel insecure about it or would hate me for it. But what’s that got to do with me?

Life is good.

Edit: Well, it was until I started writing this article. Work started making me labour for this paycheck. They told me to shuck and jive for my financial freedom. In all honesty, my creative well was drying up whilst opportunities have been far and few in between. But I guess I have to “charge it though” or whatever those young ruffians on TikTok are saying these days.

Recently I had my undergraduate graduation (after two years due to aunty corona), turned 23 (my Jordan year), took a trip to Paris to celebrate, and started a new job in my desired sector.

So I wanted to give you lot a life update. Not to brag or to boast but to show you what life is like right now. Because it used to be a whole lot different.

WORK

June saw your favourite writer start a new job at Itad as a Research Analyst. Almost two months in and I’m praying for unemployment again. I’m even writing this on a Sunday evening and I fear opening my laptop tomorrow because I know stress awaits me. Brethren, we don’t run towards stress. 

But I’m a chief complainer. In times like this, I’m reminded that prayers in one season are grievances in another. Either be careful of what you wish for or remind yourself of why you did.

But I remember praying to God for a job that a) was in my sector b) would challenge me c) advance my career goals. Jokes aside, honestly, I love it. Got everything I prayed for. I just wished they would stop challenging me so much.

CREATIVITY

On a creative front, it’s been weird. I love the fact that I’m getting a ton of new ideas. The ink is flowing from my pen, but nothing is showing when I put ink to paper.

As a creative, having a backpack of ideas is strange. Never been in this position where I have 113 minus 4 ideas on my mind but I’m not sure what to do with it all or where to even start. But still, I’m grateful.

Creating isn’t always about formulating but understanding the process it takes to reach something “palatable”.

SPIRITUALITY

And on spirituality: Me and God are cool. Had some issues this year but we’re back on good terms. He told me to say hi to you lot.

Growing up in church and the understanding of God, having to form a relationship with Him based on your own terms and your own perception is a whole unearthing process in itself.

As I say in one of my spoken word pieces: Sometimes I feel like Simon of Cyrene, carrying the cross of a man I barely knew.

FITNESS

Oh and then there’s my fitness journey. Have been a bit hush-hush about this but I’ve lost 12kg already this year. Need to lose another 10 or so more to meet my end-of-year target.

The thing that struck me by surprise is how easy I thought it would be. Social media gave me the perception that I would lose 50kg in 2 weeks with some push-ups and positive thinking. 

I’m learning that goals and prayer are married with patience.

Even this job. I got my first full-time job a whole two years after I graduated from my undergrad. I’ve worked in a warehouse, a COVID-19 testing centre, been paid peanuts during an internship with an NGO, and struggled to finance my masters but it’s all led to this. Had to wait two years for this but it was worth the wait.

FINANCE

My accountant said I can’t say too much on this topic. HMRC may be listening.

There’s a whole lot more I could talk about, but I’ll leave it there. At the end of the day, God if there’s one thing I ask: I’m not one of your strongest fighters, so stop giving me your toughest battles.

I used to pray for days like this, but these aren’t the days I used to pray for. Even though my expectation hasn’t met my reality, I’m still grateful that it is better than my past.

Next time you’re thinking about how crappy life is now, remember you used to pray for days like this. It will put life into perspective.

As I Grow Older, I’ve realised that good days create memories, but bad days build character. I’m grateful to God for both.

Love, Peace, & Blessings

Abs.